The Destroyer of Evil

“Narayana… Narayana…” chanted the mischievous bard.

The sustainer of the universe gently opened his lotus eyes. His gaze fell upon Narada. The discus-bearer’s lips broke into a smile.

“Oh he who rests on a snake bed and on whom the functioning of the entire universe rests, I offer thee my humble salutations.” Narada paused to bow. ”After all, what else does this bard have to offer that is not already yours!”

The husband of the goddess of wealth nodded. Narada proceeded to praise the goddess of wealth, who sat beside the sustainer, and received her blessings too in return.

“What is it my dear Narada?” asked the lord, who knew it all, “What brings you here?”

“Oh eater of butter, my deepest sympathies for what happened to Kalki. The Devas are distraught, to say the least.”

“These humans and their abortion techniques! Hmph!” spoke Lakshmi in disgust, “How can they be so arrogant? Killing a life in the womb! Even Kamsa smashed his sister’s babies only after they were born!”

“Not just any life, Lakshmiji. They have aborted an avatar!” added Narada, “Can Kali Yuga get worse? What happens now my lord? It’s already past December 2012. When will we get the honour of seeing you in an avatar again? That too for one last time?”

He who once held the world in his horns, merely smiled.

“Of course, the lord works in mysterious ways”, Narada nodded to himself, “You’ll know the best!”

“Coming to the point of my visit, oh lord. Guru Brihaspati feels that heaven must constantly be updated with latest technologies in order to compete with the Asuras. We’ve gotten one Deva to do the configuration and we now have social networking for the heavens. No more rushing to Vaikunt. The Devas can merely login and post their problems on your wall.”

“Oh I’ve always liked these stuff!” chuckled Lakshmi, like a little girl.

“Yeah so that’s the status”, continued Narada, “But, we are not sure which accounts each of you should take up. So, my lord, Facebook, Twitter or Google Plus? Which will it be? Or shall we have all three for the Trimurthis?”

Vishnu paused for a moment as recollections of a similar dilemma flooded his mind. Among all of Brahma’s creations, Narada was his favourite. (Lakshmi could be discounted since she popped out when the ocean was churned.) Narada was the perfect equilibrium disturber and equilibrium had to be disturbed for it be restored again. The life of the Trimurthis would be dull otherwise.

“Let’s ask Lakshmi what she thinks”, suggested the lord. Scribes, who were watching this scene through their divine visions, immediately began jotting down verses in praise of the lord, who gave respect to female opinion.

"Facebook!" answered Lakshmi, without batting an eyelid.

"Then Facebook it is", echoed Vishnu.

Narada smiled. "Oh he who is present even in stone and on every blade of grass, may Facebook too share your..."

"Narada what did you just say?" The lord sat upright.

Narada looked at the lord, puzzled, "What do you mean my lord?"

"You praised me just now. What did you say?"

Slightly unsure if he had blurted something wrong, Narada repeated, "I said 'Oh he who is present even in stone and on every blade of grass'..."

Vishnu turned to look at Lakshmi for a moment. Grasping her husband's intentions from that one look, Lakshmi clapped her hands. A conch blew loudly from somewhere. The Lord closed his eyes.

“It’s time”, he said. Narada watched with moist eyes and joined hands, as a ball of light emerged from the Lord’s immeasurable chest. This ball of light moved slowly towards the doors as more instruments joined the conch for a celestial ensemble. Jaya and Vijaya, the Dwarapalakas, opened the Vaikunt doors and let the ball of light travel on its way to Earth.

***

It had taken him fourteen years of academic study and patience to stand atop Mount Meru and behold the sight in front of him. And what a moment it was! For several centuries henceforth, that moment would be compared to Archimedes’ Eureka or Armstrong’s giant leap. He was Dr.Vyas and what he beheld was affectionately titled Vyasano Veronicastrum. But, that was all he did. He gave the plant his name and retired to a farmhouse in Switzerland.

There was nothing special about the Veroni plant. When discovered, it only got a fleeting paragraph in an online science journal and ten seconds on the “Naked Scientist” podcast. It was quite fragrant and attracted a specific species of white butterflies. That was pretty much what people knew about it, until Dr. Cleaver came up with his revelation.

Dr. Cleaver was a scientist with a strong desire to distinguish himself. He had chosen smell therapy as his subject of study. He analyzed primarily the scents of different flowers and the effects they had on the human body. During a casual conversation with a friend, he heard about Veronicastrum. Rumours floated among the triabls living in the surrounding villages of Mount Meru that smelling the Veroni flowers helped to numb body pain. Dr. Cleaver was immediately interested and got a team to collect some samples of the flowers and do some tests. A few research papers and conferences later, it was apparent that this flower contained painkiller properties.

While further research on the Veroni was ongoing, a grim-looking writer scrolling through his Facebook newsfeed in a corner of a pub in Los Angeles, stumbled upon an article by Dr. Cleaver. Thanks to his mental alertness at that point in time and his thirst for admiration, that single fraction of a second spawned a never-before-seen blockbuster film that took the world by storm. It greatly added to the public image of Veronicastrum as the scene in which the protagonist defeated a bunch of aliens by harnessing the powers of the plant was voted the 4th most goosebumpy scene in the history of Hollywood cinema.

Within months, more astounding research results began to emerge. The media went berserk like elephants in a banana grove. Veroni adds a biting taste to ice creams, Veroni clears toxic wastes if grown underwater, Veroni this, Veroni that. “Veroni” entered day-to-day conversations as a word representing multiple talents and dynamism. (Though on urbandictionary.com, it referred to a guy who successfully and simultaneously maintained relationships with multiple unmarried women.)

However, what this ridiculous frenzy really did was to make hoards of people rush to Mount Meru. A whole variety of folks including pharmaceuticals, dairy companies, film and media crew, curious tourists and irritated environmentalists, who detested the disturbance caused to nature. The poor availability of the plant encouraged another bunch of scientists to start playing around with DNA and genes and figure out ways of mass-production. Funds flew from parliaments and websites and soon genetically enhanced Veronis began to be produced. That was when the shocking news broke out.

Governments managed to hush it up but Wikileaks did its job. Veroni can make nuclear weapons more lethal was the crux of the research finding. The quiet little country where Mount Meru was located suddenly became the centre of the world’s attention. (If not the whole world, at least that part which had access to newspapers or the Washington Post Social Reader.) Suddenly, neighbouring countries began to have border conflicts, other not-so-neighbouring countries began announcing their support, while other far-off countries began suspecting the presence of weapons of mass destruction in the land of Mount Meru.

Religious outfits cried for the destruction of the evil Veroni plant. Committees made recommendations for their protection and lawful usage. Terrorists hatched plans for getting its seeds while tribals continued to worship it.

The situation got quite out of hand when two countries involved in the argument declared war on each other. Their problem was not the Veroni plant, it was something that ran much deeper in their blood, analyzed a BBC reporter. Within weeks, a lot more countries jumped in and the much-dreaded World War III began. And through all this the land of Mount Meru maintained a neutral stand and stood witness to a gory battle. Out of the blue, someone decided to drop a few bombs on Meru, the root cause of all problems. Others threatened to drop bombs if that happened and so on. So on December 21^st, 2013, it happened.

Bombs burst. People died. The locals of Mount Meru had gathered on the mountain, afraid of all the noise. Nuclear bombs had just been dropped few kilometers from the mountain. They could see the cloud of smoke approaching them from all four directions. Suddenly, as the smoke reached the foot of the mountain, where the Veroni plants grew it halted. The locals watched with wide-open eyes. It was almost like the plants had formed an invisible protective wall and were sucking in the fumes and radiation. When the smoke and the noise subsided, the Veroni plants stood still and the locals still breathed. They fell down on their knees and kissed the ground at the foot of each Veroni plant.

****

“And so it was, my lad, that when the whole world was flooded in smoke, and when all seemed to be lost, god came to save us in the form of the Veroni plants”, spoke the old man, “These plants took in all the smoke, all the heat, all our sins so that we may breathe and live. That is why we must forever be grateful to the protector of our race, these humble little Veroni plants.”

The old man’s grandson looked at him with crinkled eyebrows. “How could the whole world be flooded in smoke?” thought the young lad. How could god suddenly appear within the plants? Why did he let the smoke come in the first place? Why did he let others die and chose our race to live? Why do we need the Veroni plants now that we have erected the giant walls around our city? And why…

A delicate hand wearing glass bangles touched his shoulder lightly. The young lad turned around. His gaze fell upon her face and her radiant smile. All questions vanished from his mind.

****

Note: This is terribly inspired by a Crazy Mohan short story titled ‘Dasavadhavadhu Avadhaaram’ in a Tamil magazine. It was a funny story on how a damsel from heaven comes down to Earth to reveal a divine secret to a human. The story proceeds to reveal the secret in a hilarious manner about how Vishnu finally takes his tenth avatar but his earthly parents abort him before he's born!